In July, I wrote this in a blog post titled “No more ambition”:
Recently, I had lunch with a close friend and had an epiphany: I’m actually quite satisfied with my life. This might have been obvious to others, but it wasn't to me. I was still chasing this one thing without knowing what the endgame was. When would I have fulfilled my desire?
And:
Right now, I see this change both positively and negatively. On the one hand, it's scary since I've lost one of the major drives and motivators in my life. It was, after all, what fueled me.
However, it also feels freeing. I don't have to perform anymore for this elusive goal. Now I can simply do and simply be for the sake of it.
After much introspection and discussions with loved ones, I have now found out what this all means to me — though I would not have chosen that title now; after all, people go to therapy for being ambition-less (and understandably so).
Rather, how I see it now, is that I have nothing more to prove.
I have certainly been lucky, but so far, most of what I set out to do, in one way or another, I was able to accomplish.
It hasn’t always been easy, and I certainly haven’t always reached a perfect state, but on average, I was able to do it. (Side-Note: There is no hack I can sell you. It all comes down to three things: being generally interested in stuff, doing something for long enough, and being humble enough to fail and learn from your own and other people’s mistakes.)
But having nothing more to prove changed how I see the world.
When I see corporate politics where people try to beat one another to get the most praise, I just shake my head.
When I see people in my niche trying to manipulate their competition, I just feel pity for them.
When I see influencers on social media wave their “richness” in my face, I just have to laugh.
I don’t care about any of this anymore (I’m, however, not completely immune to the pull; I’m not a buddha, which is why I had to delete analytics from this website). All I aim for now is to have a good, healthy life, and have fun along the way.
I’m just lucky that I experience fun in doing hard things and improving, or else I would have to call my therapist.