For the last 16 years or so, I was driven by an intense desire to become successful and influential in my niche, whatever that niche happened to be at the time.
No matter what path I pursued, the goal was always to be seen by an audience. This very much influenced my life decisions. I acquired various skills while following this one drive. Whether at my day job or through my hobbies, I positioned myself to be seen by an audience. My goal was to be at the centre of things.
But lately, I just don't care anymore. I don't know why I'm doing all this. I don’t know for whom I am still performing.
Recently, I had lunch with a close friend and had an epiphany: I’m actually quite satisfied with my life. This might have been obvious to others, but it wasn't to me. I was still chasing this one thing without knowing what the endgame was. When would I have fulfilled my desire?
I don't yet know if I've reached it or if I've simply changed so much as a person that I don't care anymore. But I am content. Life is good. I simply don't need more.
Right now, I see this change both positively and negatively. On the one hand, it's scary since I've lost one of the major drives and motivators in my life. It was, after all, what fueled me.
However, it also feels freeing. I don't have to perform anymore for this elusive goal. Now I can simply do and simply be for the sake of it.
Let’s see where this leads.