It currently feels that everyone in my close proximity is becoming a parent. I have friends who are now dads, neighbours who are expecting, and colleagues who are on maternity leave.
One of the unfortunate circumstances is that, whenever parenthood becomes a topic of discussion, and young parents are like vegans — they won’t shut up about it (sorry parents and vegans, you know I love you) — one of the questions I have to endure is when I plan to become a father.
Here’s the thing: there’s nothing I want less than to be a father. And there’s nothing my partner wants less than to be a mother.
I don’t care about children. Not that I hate them, I’m happy for my friends who can fully live their parenthood. And I have tiny humans whom I consider family, I’m a godfather after all to a very cool kid and she has a great sister.
But whenever I see strangers make their children their whole personality, I can’t stop myself from physically cringing. I don’t care if your kid made a noise while burping that you might have parsed as “dada,” and I don’t need to get a photo of your infant since all it does is shit, scream, and sleep (and naturally, you only share sleeping pictures; I will never find it cute, sorry).
When parents share how bad their sleep is, or how they have no time for themselves or their relationships, or how expensive it is to buy a new pair of shoes for someone who can’t walk for another year, I feel more confident in my decision not to have children.
There is a very high likelihood that some people consider this an absolutely egotistical move. I agree. I have a certain lifestyle I very much enjoy, and I am unwilling to sacrifice it. But I don’t care about what these people think.
What I care about is being asked when I’ll become a dad, and when I say “never,” the number one answer I get is “oh, you’ll change your mind.” No, actually, I won’t. If it weren’t for my no-surgery streak that I’d like to uphold, I would probably get a vasectomy.
And I actually find it impertinent that these people try to convince me to change my mind. As if we all need to live the same life, take the same decisions, and walk the same path.
My new go-to is to tell people that I can’t have children. At least that way they’ll feel too awkward to ask again.
Maybe I will wake up one day, when I'm old and I'll regret not having children.
But I highly doubt it.
Instead, I’ll become the cool godfather who picks up his godchild on a motorbike. And I'll happily drop her off in the evening, and return back to my child-free life.
To feed my cats.